Lessons

The Wisdom Within Each Moment

Guilt (first published October 2012)

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Sometimes I think we are born feeling guilty. I can’t remember a time when there wasn’t things to feel guilty about. Like everybody else, I have a long, long list. The one at the top for a long time though was missing my grandmother’s funeral. My first husband and I were on vacation in Mexico. I knew when I left that Grandma wasn’t doing very well. She had been in a nursing home several years and was near her 90th birthday. But there didn’t seem to be any imminent danger. While in Mexico, I succumbed to “Montezuma’s revenge”. Oh I wasn’t stupid enough to drink the water, but I didn’t think about the iced drink in a little cantina we stopped at for dinner. Ice comes from water. The hotel doctor did what he could but I was very ill. During one of my worst episodes, my mother called. She told me that Grandma had died. My brain was barely functioning, but I told her we’d come right home. She insisted that there wasn’t any reason for me to do that. There was nothing I could do and I should just stay and enjoy the rest of my vacation. Well I wasn’t enjoying my vacation but I did decide to stay – mostly because she insisted that I do. I might have made a different decision if I hadn’t been so sick. I felt weird that I was not at home with my family. That weirdness quickly changed to guilt. I worked myself into a major guilt trip for not being at the funeral. When I got home, no one seemed upset that I hadn’t been there. Everyone understood. I knew I’d missed an important milestone event in my family and I was truly sorry for that. But the guilt did not go away. I felt I’d let everybody down – especially my grandmother. It took years before I was able to understand that I hadn’t let her down. Grandma wasn’t there either.

Teresa Sue McAdams, co-creator of “Today’s Journey Tarot”, co-author of “Today’s Journey Tarot, A Traveler’s Guide”, co-author of “Tarot Meditations, A Journal for Self Discovery”, and author of “Lessons, The Wisdom Within Each Moment”

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Author: Lessons: The Wisdom Within Each Moment

Teresa Sue McAdams’ articles have appeared in various newsletters, publications and blogs. Her book, “Lessons: The Wisdom Within Each Moment” was published in 2012. She teaches classes on meditation, spirituality and tai chi and has been an intuitive counselor for over thirty five years. Teresa’s undergraduate work was in journalism and psychology and she earned a doctorate in 2006. She has sought answers all of her life and sometimes sees them in every ordinary moment. Teresa lives across the river from Louisville, Kentucky with her husband, Ben and three cat friends, Thai, Lily, and Melody.

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